


Each Journey is Different

by alizaporter



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Jake Peralta, Coming Out, Episode: s05e12 Safe House, F/M, Father Figures, Father-Son Relationship, M/M, Peraltiago, a little bit of hurt/comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:28:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24709882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alizaporter/pseuds/alizaporter
Summary: Jake comes out to Kevin in the safe house.
Relationships: Gina Linetti & Jake Peralta, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, Kevin Cozner & Jake Peralta, Mentions of Jake/Doug Judy, Mentions of Jake/OC, Mentions of Jake/Stevie Schillens, Ray Holt & Jake Peralta
Comments: 16
Kudos: 382





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY PRIDE! Jake is bi and there's no hiding it, baby. Starring my favorite platonic pairing, Jake and Kevin father son relationship!

As hard as he tried, Jake Peralta could not fill every moment of his safe house isolation educating Kevin on pop culture. Captain Holt was due to arrive tomorrow with more food, and Jake was out of pizza pockets. He grumpily munched on rice cakes, glaring at the offending food with each bite.

“If you aren’t going to enjoy them, you shouldn’t eat them.” Kevin quipped, snatching the bag to eat some himself. The two of them had just finished their seventh game of scrabble, and as Kevin was sick of Jake’s made up words, such as “shlorp”, a supposed verb.

“You’re just upset that I SHLORPED your ass in that last game!”

“That sounds strangely sexual. Oh God. I’m thinking like you now, Peralta. I need to get out of here.”

“Excuse me, shlorping is not a sexual term. Get your mind out of the gutter, Cozner.”

“You’re insufferable. I refuse to play another round with you.”

“Fine” Jake grinned. He rolled over and army crawled towards the corner of the room, and selected a new game. Twister.

“No. My neck still hurts from when you elbowed me yesterday.”

“I think you’re just jealous of my flexibility.”

“If anyone is the flexible one, it is me. On the third Tuesday of every month, Raymond and I attend a jazz yoga class. I have never been more flexible in my life.”

“I can bend my legs over my head, and it’s very useful. Just ask Amy, she and I-”

“PERALTA”

“Right. You don’t need to know about my sex life. This isolation is turning me into Charles. God.”

Kevin glanced at his watch. It was fifteen minutes past eight pm.

“Should we retire to bed?”

Jake shrugged. “I’m nowhere near tired.”

“Have you considered cutting down on the energy drinks in order to get a healthy night’s sleep?”

“No, I have not and I will not consider that. What should we do now?”

“We could always sit in silence-”

“Orrrrrrr we could talk? Share secrets and personal feelings?”

“I know everything that I need to know about you. Die Hard, detective, daddy issues. I just summarized your entire existence in five words. What could you say that would possibly surprise me?”

Jake was silent for much longer than Kevin expected. A full minute. Although he enjoyed extended pauses in conversation with Raymond, hearing Peralta at a loss for words made him uncomfortable. But as soon as he settled into the silence, Jake broke it.

“I think that I’m bisexual.”

Jake was quiet. He turned to Kevin expectantly, and he had been isolated with this man long enough to know he was seeking comfort. Validation. He was seeing a raw, opened wound that had been clumsily stitched together. Kevin knew from experience that the only way to heal this particular wound was to tear it open and gently sew it back.

“How long have you known?”

Kevin felt the weight of this conversation. It had happened dozens of times with dozens of people. Most of the time, his students. A particular one struck him. A few years ago, a sophomore named John knocked at his door at the end of his office hours. He wasn’t sitting next to Jake Peralta, a renowned detective in the NYPD. He was gazing into John’s eyes, seeing the fear and confusion in them. 

“Professor Cozner?”

John stepped through the open door. He held no books or a computer, no visual sign that he needed help with an assignment. John was a quiet student. He never asked questions, but he completed his work promptly and well. An ideal, in his mind.  
“Ah, John. Good to see you. I’m afraid I don’t have long, in ten minutes I have to meet my husband. We have tickets to the opera and I really can’t miss it.”

“Of course sir, do you mind if I close the door?”

“Not at all.” John slowly shut the door and locked it, to Kevin’s surprise. He took a seat in the chair across from Kevin, his hands folded on his lap. Averted eye contact, shifting in his chair, Kevin noted John’s anxiety and decided to address it immediately.

“I see you seem worried. Rest assured that it is alright and I am here to help you with what you need. Although, like I said, this opera is to make up for the one my husband had to miss last week. He was interrogating a criminal. Have I mentioned my husband is a police captain in the NYPD?”

“Many times sir. I just don’t know where else to go. You’ve always been open about your husband and your life and sexuality and that’s really amazing andithinkimgay.”

“I see. Please excuse me just one moment.”

Kevin hated that it made him look disrespectful, but he pulled out his phone. At the top of his contacts, despite the rest of them being in alphabetical order, was his Raymond. He hit a button and his husband answered on the first ring.”

“Hello, you have reached Captain Raymond Holt. I can come to the phone right now.”

“Hello Captain Raymond Holt, this is your husband, Professor Kevin Cozner, PhD. I am afraid I have to cancel our opera excursion this evening. I have an urgent matter regarding one of my students.”

“Absolutely. I do not wish to take up more of your time, so I will now hang up. I will see you at home. I love you.”

Kevin allowed himself a small smile. “I love you as well.”

Kevin returned his phone to his desk drawer and closed his computer. The key to a respectful coming out was the undivided attention, which he intended to give John. After he put away his work, he restarted the conversation.

“How long have you known?”


	2. Chapter 2

“How long have you known?”

Jake Peralta was seventeen. A blanket wrapped around his shoulders and surrounded by candy bars, he watched Die Hard for the 70th time with one of his closer friends, Paul. The other teen had curly blond hair and a nose ring. There was a rumor he even had a tattoo on his ass, but no one knew for sure. Paul was peak cool. 

“I can’t believe this is my first time watching this. I thought you were a weirdo for your obsession, but damn, this is good stuff!”

It was totally normal to fixate over a guy friend’s cute laugh, right? Apparently, it was totally normal. Because when he turned to ask Paul to pass the M&Ms, he kissed him. Jake will claim his first kiss was Susan in sixth grade but a kiss on the cheek was nothing. This was full on, makin’ out. Noice.  
So, Paul was gay. Jake didn’t mind being kissed, it was nice and Paul was an amazing friend. It didn’t mean that Jake was gay. Did he mention Susan from science class yet? Of course, Paul and Jake did a lot more than kiss. But that didn’t mean he liked men, right?

“You’re a fucking idiot, Peralta” 

Gina was sitting on his bed, three days later.

“No I’m not! No one believed me about the ass tattoo and I was right! It’s the Millenium Falcon from Star Wars. That’s even better than I imagined!”

“You know I’m too pretty to watch those movies. I’m saying about the super gay sex. You. Like. Men.”

“Comeon, every guy has done stuff with another guy at least once. Maybe not always a close friend, and maybe he doesn’t say “I’ve been wanting to do that for years” after he’s done, but it just means Paul and I are really close.”

“Wrong again Jake! Tell me, do you find women attractive as well?”

“Of course, why do you think I’ve watched Die Hard so many times?”

“Because you think John McClane is a hot piece. Personally I don’t agree but-”

“He’s ridiculously hot, but it’s just because he’s a badass. I meant Holly Gennaro and you know that!”

“Have you ever considered you think that both of them are ridiculously hot?”

Paul may have been the first but he was far from the last. There was Dave from sophomore year of college, Allen from senior year, and Jordan from his days at the academy. But Jake just thought he was so desperate for affection, he would be with men as well as women. Really, he just must be comfortable in his masculinity. 

In his late days as a beet cop, he messed around with Stevie Schillens, his partner. He thought the sex and the occasional hand holding was just them being close, best friends. He honestly thought most partners did that, because they worked so closely together and so often. But when Stevie asked him late at night if he’d meet his parents, he said “Sure dude.” First mistake. When Stevie’s mom asked how long they had been dating, he was floored. 

“You.. didn’t.. Know we were dating? We have sex at least once a week! What the hell!” 

“Don’t all partners do that? We have to get close on the job, right?”

“No, they don’t! If you ain’t in this for real, it’s over. Get out of here.”

If they weren’t dating, why did Jake feel so damn heartbroken?

The next week, both Jake and Stevie were promoted to detectives. Jake was sent to the 99th precinct, and it was many years before he let himself think about men like that again. When Captain Holt arrived, he was getting to know a gay man in a professional capacity for the very first time. Seeing a police captain so open and normal with his sexuality made him feel guilty about the years he had kissed boys in closets where no one could see. It was seeing his boss interact with his husband in such a domestic matter that made him knock on Gina’s door to talk about his sexuality for the first time in twenty years.

“You were right.” 

“Of course I was. About what?”

“Can I come in?”

Gina stepped aside to let Jake through. She turned down the song she had been listening to (one that she wrote and recorded herself- it was amazing). She began pulling wine glasses from her cabinet when Jake interrupted her.

“No. We’ll need something stronger.”

“Damn I like where this night is going!”

They were sitting on Gina’s sofa while her own voice sang quietly in the background, drinking glasses of whiskey. Gina wore patterned leggings and another “Gina Knows Best” hoodie, this time in pink. “I’m expanding to a wider audience, one that prefers this magnificent color instead of classic black sweatshirt.”

“But Jake. As much as I love talking about how amazing I am you clearly came here for a reason! So get on with it!” 

“I had sex with a criminal. A dude criminal. I was wishing I had the courage to just ask Amy out already. I took out my feelings on this dude. I definitely would have arrested him by now if I wasn’t such a overtrusting dumbass”

“Over trusting.. Oh shit Jake.. it wasn’t..”

“Doug Judy. I banged Doug Judy.”

“First of all, Judy clearly banged you. Don’t try and convince me that you can top anyone because we both know you can’t. Second of all, are you ready to admit you indeed are, bisexual? I came out as pansexual years ago and I feel freer than ever. I like to say that I coined the term.”

“No, I don’t think I am. I might’ve felt different about Judy but that’s because he’s so good at tricking me. It’s just a weird connection. I really like Amy.  
“You can be bi and still like Amy!”

“I know but I REALLY like Amy. The way I feel about her is clearly different than the way I feel about guys. If I feel so much for Amy and not as much for dudes, it must just be a strong friendship thing.”

“You’re still an idiot. But I love you and I won’t push you. Let’s just get drunk together.”

“That’s the only reasonable thing you’ve said all night.”


	3. Chapter 3

“I love Gina” Jake finished, taking a sip of an energy drink. Kevin waited patiently.

“But for some reason I knew she wasn’t the person I needed to talk to. She’s my oldest friend and I trust her with everything but I feel like I need the opinion of an actual gay man. You.”

“The “you” wasn’t neccesary as I am the only gay man in this room. I understood it from context. I’m honored that you trust me in this way, but I must ask, why not my husband? The two of you work closely together and he’s a great sounding board for emotional issues.”

“He is? Whatever. We can talk about that later. I guess I’m still afraid that I can’t like both men and women differently. I kind of felt like Holt would see through me and call me a liar or something. You’re suck in here for me so confessing to you feels different. What happens in the safe house, stays in the safe house!”

“Jake, do you want this confession to stay in the safe house?”

“No. Wait. I thought that aloud. Shoot, I need more time to think. What if Amy thinks I love her less? I know the 99 will support me but what if they treat me differently without realizing it? I know they didn’t treat Rosa differently but Rosa is terrifying. What if my parents don’t support it! What if my dad leaves my mom again?”

“You’re spiraling. Take a deep breath.”

“No, YOU take a deep breath! What if Gina’s feelings get hurt that I told you first? What if Captain Holt thinks I don’t trust him? What if Charles tries to ask me about gay sex?”

Jake started to cry. He tried to say more, but Kevin did not understand what was being said through the tears. He rocked back and forth ever so slightly, breathing heavily and looking down at the floor. Kevin had been stuck with Jake Peralta long enough to know what he needed.

“Permission to hug you?”

Instead of saying “permission granted” like Raymond would, Jake collapsed onto him, a sobbing mess. His head on Kevin’s chest, he closed his eyes and began to breathe slower. Kevin held him tightly, running his hands in what he hoped were soothing circles on his back. Children were something both he and Raymond were steadfastly against, but in that moment, he felt as if he was in an alternative reality in which he was comforting his son. Although, his real son would be much more well behaved. But Kevin has heard that children are meant to surprise their parents, change expectations. In that precise moment, Kevin realized he was in that alternative reality in which he had a son. And he would do anything to help his child, Jake Peralta. He held onto Jake until his crying finally stopped, and he pulled away from Kevin of his own volition. Yet he sat closer, as if he was ready to burst into tears once more. 

“I don’t want to keep this hidden. I want to tell Amy. The 99. My family. It just seems like so many people much younger than me are coming out. I feel like I should’ve figured it out by now.”

“Jake, there is no timeline that you need to follow. You write your own story, and it is alright that it took this long. This was your path to travel. Do you think you’ve reached the end?”

“Yes. I think I’m ready.”

“I’ll be by your side. I wouldn’t abandon my son during one of the most important times of your life.”

Jake was going to reply, but his brain stopped functioning after the word “son”, so Kevin spoke again.

“I know that crying is an effective method of exhaustion. I am guessing you are very tired. I think it is time for us to rest now.”

“You’re right. Thank you. For listening to me.”

“Any time. And when I say “any time” I mean in reference to personal identity discussions, and not your theories on various Nic Cage movies. Goodnight Jake.”  
Kevin rested his head on his pillow and turned his back to Jake. Jake lay facing him, and to his surprise, fell asleep as quickly as Kevin anticipated.


	4. Chapter 4

It was six am when Jake woke from a dream and the need to act. He kissed a sleeping Amy on the forehead and crept into the kitchen, pulling the Mountain Dew from the refrigerator. He was dropping mini marshmallows into it when his girlfriend entered, rubbing the sleep from her beautiful eyes.

“What are you making, Jake?”

“Cereal. Do you want some? I can put big marshmallows in if you’d like that better.”

“I’ll stick with a banana. You’re having one too.”

“Okay Amy. I guess I’ll have two breakfasts. Who does that?”

Amy smiled at him lovingly and Jake’s heart melted. It had only been a week since he left the safe house and every day, he was eager to get outside. It was a rare day in which he and Amy both did not work. It may only happen once every few months, but Jake always made the best of these precious moments with his beautiful girlfriend.

“I got you the paper. I opened it up to the crossword and took out the comics and this fascinating article about the psychology of cats.”

“Ooooo” Amy picked up her favorite pen with a gleam in her eye. 

“I’d like to check out that cat article when you’re done. Sounds interesting.”

“You’ve got it babe! Should we get a cat? Are you allergic to those too? Because I was thinking about a bengal tiger and-”

“Those are illegal, Jake.”

“Right. We’re cops. We can’t buy bengal tigers. But I’m pretty sure my buddy Dave could hook us up-”

Jake waited for Amy to interject but she had been taken by the puzzle. She wouldn’t resurface until she finished. Her eyes were clear and hyper focused, a strand of hair falling in her face that she would normally tuck away but ignored now. Her half eaten banana was temporarily abandoned. This meant that Jake could say anything he wanted and it would never reach Amy’s ears. Time for a test drive. He shook with nervousness, but he knew it wasn’t real. He opened his mouth.

“Amy, I’m bisexual.”

Amy didn’t react, as he expected. 

“I realized when I was seventeen and I kissed a guy for the first time. I’ve been with a few guys but I never accepted myself for who I was until recently. After hearing Rosa come out I talked to Kevin in the safe house and I think it is my time too. I wanted to tell you first because I love you, I love you so much. This doesn’t change how much I love you and how attracted I am to you. You’re the only one for me, Amy Santiago.”

“Jake.”

He froze. Was she listening? Was she only pretending to-”

“What’s a four letter word for “Deserving of the utmost love and acceptance?”

“I don’t know Amy, Frog? I saw the cutest one last week and I almost took him home as a pet but I couldn’t remember if our apartment allowed frogs. I know they allow cats and small dogs but-”

“J-A-K-E. The word is Jake. I finished the crossword a minute before you started talking. I was just checking my answers which is when I can hear again. I’ve always loved you and I think that a part of me knew that you weren’t straight. I will always accept you as you are. If I can handle your soda cereal and your science experiments, I can handle your sexuality.”

Jake crossed the room and kissed her. His hands gently cradled her cheeks and he smiled into the kiss, enjoying her softness. He was the luckiest man in the world. 

\---

After coming out to Amy, coming out to the precinct felt like a breeze. He had planned an elaborate, explosive coming out ceremony and was ready to put it into action. It was the end of a morning briefing when Terry asked 

“Does anyone have any other announcements?”

Jake jumped from his chair and ran to the front of the room. He clapped his hands once, and the middle school marching band students he hired entered. There were six of them. Two clad in blue, two in purple, and two in pink. Confetti rained around them in a flurry of the colors and their deafening music filled the room. As the loudest trombone player reached the podium, he pointed his instrument into the air and blew. A tiny flag popped out that read “I AM BISEXUAL”

“Why have you brought this preeteen here to tell us his sexuality, Peralta?”

“Captain, it’s clearly me! I’m bi!”

“It’s not clear. The trombone player is the one with the flag and-”

The room erupted in popping noises. Colorful smoke filled the room and as it cleared, Gina Linetti was revealed. Her hands opened and the party poppers scattered to the ground. She had produced bisexual flags from nowhere, which she threw into the crowd at random. The pole for one of them managed to hit Scully in the eye, which caused Gina to throw a second at him.

“I’ve been saving these supplies ever since I got this job. And FINALLY, you decide to come out. Great job Jake.”

Gina had one more flag, which she handed to him. Jake had never felt more at home. He hugged her, which she allowed. He kissed Amy on the cheek. Charles began describing a meal he would prepare for him, which involved the genetalia of male, female, and genderless animals. One look from Terry and he quickly mentioned a purple, pink, and blue cake instead. Rosa went in for a high five which he countered with a hug. Finally, he was standing in front of Captain Holt.

“I told Kevin first. In the safe house. He made me feel comfortable and inspired me to do this. You have an amazing husband, sir.”

“I could tell he was harboring a secret. We usually tell eachother everything but I respected his privacy. Now I know what that secret was.”  
“Captain, although it was Kevin I talked to first, I don’t want you to think I didn’t trust you. It just all happened at once and I finally knew the time was right for him. If it helps, you inspired me. You were to one who made me feel comfortable enough to take the first step.”

Holt’s eyes shifted just a little bit, his pupils dilating ever so slightly. Jake had known the captain long enough that he was feeling emotion. He was getting choked up, for him.

“Peralta. You never have to apologize for your journey. Just because I came out so young doesn’t mean that was your path. You have done a very brave thing here today, and although you made quite a mess of it, it was your journey. You are safe here at the 99.”

When Holt initiated the hug, he felt as if he was on another planet. He let the moment take him. It felt the same as when Kevin hugged him. A steady ship on calm waters. He couldn’t help what came next, it slipped out.

“I love you dad.”

Jake had said it so quietly, the rest of the 99 didn’t hear. They were still recovering from the party poppers and Gina was telling a detailed story of her own coming out. This moment was his. 

“I love you too”

Holt paused.

“Son.”


End file.
